What Every Woman Should Know About Man

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Published: 20th January 2011
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"Susan and her boyfriend, David, had been dating for six months. Everything had been so romantic. Then without any specific reason David began to distance himself emotionally. Susan couldn't understand why he had suddenly pulled away. One minute he was so attentive and the next he didn't even talk to her. She has tried everything to get him back but it only seems to make matters worse. He seems so distant. Susan was distressed, anxious and confused."

This happens to almost every couple. Men are like rubber bands. When they pull away they can stretch only so far before they come springing back. A rubber band is the perfect metaphor to understand the male intimacy cycle. This cycle involves getting close, pulling away and then getting close again.

Most women are surprised to realize that even when a man loves woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer. Men instinctively feel this urge to pull away. It's not a decision or choice, it just happens. It is neither his fault nor her fault. It's a natural cycle. When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer.

Women misinterpret a man's pulling away because generally a woman pulls away for different reasons. She pulls back when she doesn't trust him to understand her feelings, when she has been hurt and is afraid of being hurt again, or when he has done something wrong and disappointed her.

Certainly a man may pull away for the same reasons but he will also pull away if she did something wrong. He may love and trust her and then suddenly he begins to pull away. Like a stretched rubber band, he will distance himself and then come back all on his own.

A man pulls away to fulfil his need for independence or autonomy. When he has fully stretched away, then instantly he will come springing back. When he has fully separated, then suddenly he will feel his need for love and intimacy again. Automatically he will be more motivated to give his love and receive the love he needs. When a man springs back, he picks up the relationship at whatever degree of intimacy it was when he stretched away. He doesn't feel to need for a period of getting reacquainted again.

"Susan realized that when she was trying to get close while David was trying to pull away, she was actually preventing him from stretching his full distance and then springing back. By running after him, she was preventing him from over ever feeling that he needed her and wanted to be with her. She realized that she had done this in every relationship. Unknowingly she had obstructed an important cycle. By trying to maintain intimacy she had prevented it.
After realizing this, Susan stopped blaming herself. She realized that when David pulled away it was not her fault. In addition she learnt why he was pulling away and how to gracefully handle it. Susan discovered a secret that few women know about man."


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